Saturday, August 25, 2018

Local Author Will Write You Into Novel For Cash

West Seneca, N.Y.—For cash payments local author P.A. Kane will write you into his new novel, Leaving Jackson Wolf. With the crowdfunding phenomenon sweeping the country Kane thinks this would be a fun way for people to participate in the writing process and for him to increase his profile and revenue stream.

Kane is open to any ideas people have for placement in the coming of age novel due out this fall. You can be a swarthy guy standing on a corner. You can make a pass at Jackson’s brainy best friend McDougal. You can have a beer at a corner bar with Jackson’s alcoholic father, Mickey. Or, you can have Jackson beat the shit out of you—if that’s your pleasure. Anything you want, just as long as you have cash money.

The first to step up with a cash payment and make their way into the future best seller are longtime friends Jesse Homes and Jack Conrad. Kane has written a scene where the protagonists, Jackson and McDougal are looking at a Facebook post by Holmes, who is conversing with Conrad about the virtues of Jackson Browne song, These Days. Clicking on the Youtube link to These Days McDougal asks:
     “How does this old people shit end up in your feed?”
     “That guy Jesse Holmes was my fourth grade teacher and I don’t know, he kept showing up in that Suggested Friends thing, so I sent a request.”
     “He listens to shitty music.”
     “The Nico version of this song is pretty good.”
     “Think Nico did that as a joke.”
     “Look here,” Jackson says with a laugh. “Mr. Holmes swooning over this stupid song:”
     ‘Did you know Jackson Browne wrote this when he was just sixteen?’
     ‘Just sixteen?’ Conrad says. ‘Wow, all I was doing at sixteen was failing my road test and waxing my carrot.’
     ‘Yer still waxing your carrot, Jack. lol’
     ‘Yeah. LOL’
     “Man, these guys are assholes.”
     “Mr. Holmes was an alright teacher,” Jackson says with a shrug.
     “Really? Waxing your carrot?”
     “Yeah, goddamn mom jeans and Dad jokes. Screw them.”

In addition to a scene like the one above, Kane is also open to selling the dedication to the book or will mention you in the acknowledgements for a reasonable fee. Typically these are nice little tributes to friends and family who have put up with all the bullshit that comes along with producing a book, but to Kane money is more important. He believes nobody really cares who inspired you or gave you wise counsel through the writing process. To him all that stuff is overrated. What isn’t overrated is beer money and double Crown Royal neat. So, if you would like to be the inspiration or the wise counsel in this story about a young man searching for his power in an unforgiving world, Kane is open to any reasonable offer.

Of course, all offers are subject to negotiation.        

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